Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Where The Fantasy Ends
The days blend together and the weather never changes. If none of you have ever
listened to John Reuben's 'Hindsight', look it up. He's an amazing lyricist.

From a young age, even barely on the cusp of puberty, we are
conditioned to see sex as the end-all be-all of this life. From when
we first learn to pleasure ourselves, and how all the tools in the shed
work, we are trained to see women, not as humans, but as physical
objects to be stored and recycled in our minds for private, personal
viewing. Being a guy, I understand this primal urge as something
which never really escapes you and something that will always be
there, and hey, that's alright. I know it, other guys know it, Jesus
and his homies obviously knew that too. That's life, and whether
you fight it or embrace it, that primality is here to stay.

But what baffles me is that every moment, at least from my own past
experience of personal pleasure, involves the aspect of fantasy.
Whether it's an image in my mind or just a remote visceral memory...
it is mainly image. Not a person. But an image. With that
image, there is only good associations made. No imperfections,
no personality flaws, no weird freckles, only a body and a face.
An imaginary apparition wearing human skin that is pleasing to my
mind's eye.

The problem with the constant recurrence of this act is not only t
hat we are encouraged to re-create this image as much as we can,
by every sensory multimedia marketing tool that exists to glorify
the female body, but that it is not reality and therein the creation
of a dangerous fantasy world that we can continue to exist inside.
And problematic too is that sex, at least real sex, is never ever
what we build it up to be in our heads or imagine it as when we are
alone with an image.

I don't know much, and I'm always learning, but I think a beautiful
realization I'm coming to is that sex can really just be about two
people being together in intimacy. I believe, and would support
the idea, that sex should really only happen between the same
two people for life (boring, I know, and 'would' being the key word
there, obviously, it doesn't always happen) and it's not always
about horny, fast-paced 'porno', screaming, perverse sex. Sometimes
it's just two people being together - an act of emotional and physical
intimacy between two real human beings.

And sometimes sex isn't always the apex or key to that intimacy.
It CAN actually be found other ways. Sometimes it ISN'T the answer.
Imagine that. Sex NOT being the answer. Hard to comprehend.
But really, and I'm not trying to shatter anyone's world here, but sex
is really not that big of a deal. Sure, you can experiment much
within that arena, and as long as both partners are open to new ideas,
it can be a lot of fun. But honestly, once you've done it, it's like a
weight is lifted and the truth of what the character Metatron (voice
of God/ Alan Rickman) says in the movie 'Dogma' comes to the surface:
"Sex is pretty much a joke in heaven. From what I understand, it's
mostly a joke down here, too."

At some conservative Christian point in my life, someone once told me
sex is only 1 percent of any healthy relationship/marriage. I have
dismissed alot of hardcore conservative and legalistic teachings, but
the 1 percent factor is total truth. Because being with someone is about
intimacy, and that takes time, tears, dedication and alot more than
sticking your penis in a hole. And yet that's what people want because
from that young, conditioned age, we trick ourselves into believing that
sex will solve any problem and release any negative energy and enrich
your life. We trick ourselves into thinking that the fantasy ACTUALLY
exists, and that eventually, when we jump from rock to rock, we'll
eventually find someone who can provide us with great, earth-shattering
sex and no problems. But that, my friends, is the fantasy. And I'm tired of
living there.


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