The Thaw Before The Spring
From January to September, the light lasts a little longer each day.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
IT'S January 28th, 2004, and I don't really have anything interesting to say. Snow accumulates like tasks on a neverending list of things 'to get done'. Wind howls. Snowboard aches and pains seem to heighten with each morning of waking up. Sarah has a migraine and is in bed right now. I want her to feel better. She has taken a lot of sick days this month and I hate it when she is sick. I don't feel right in the cosmos. It's like my universal axis is not aligned. Snow is fun for snowboarding but not for driving. Stealing Harvard is a mediocre movie. Tom Green is one odd duck but his career has gone downhill ever since he left Channel 22 on community access in Ottawa. I hope Sarah feels better this afternoon so she can eat some soup and maybe we can watch a movie. This is one of those days where it feels good to be shut in and doing nothing.
Jon. I hope MBC is treating you well. Don't get mad at Corn-dogs. He loves you. He just gets tired sometimes. I love you Corny wonder. Erich, I hope your blogs are going well. I must confess I have not read one of yours for a while...maybe I'll do that now.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Why are we so guarded and prideful? Where did these traits come from? From a stinking tree in Eden where a slimy, weasel-esque snake popped his head out from, that's where. Bastard.
I think of life through the eyes of movies sometimes. But now, I'm talking good movies, so if you're thinking '10 Things I Hate About You'...you're very wrong. I'm talking about movies like 'Good Will Hunting' and 'The Shawshank Redemption'. Those are good movies. Movies about characters who go through struggles in order to learn more about who they are and why they act the way they do. Sometimes I think of God like Matt Damon's character Wil in Good Will Hunting who creates a brilliant math formula and then begins burning it in front of his struggling professor's face. Right before the professor rolls around on the floor, blowing out the half burnt equation, Matt Damon said an interesting thing about his gift in the area of math (as his character is a genius): 'I wish I didn't have to watch you fumble around and f__k it up'.
I think God probably thinks about us the same way in regards to how we live our lives. How often do we 'f' it up? Me personally, I've lost count. But here's the rub; If you don't really have any reason to believe in a personal, real and all-powerful God, who takes the blame when you f it up? You. No one else. Not your sister, Not your girlfriend, but you. I think there are way too many people carrying crap around out there who have learned, for so many years, to internalize their pain. To internalize their screw-ups and to try and 'do better' and 'make resolutions' or whatever else.
I'm gonna leave the next lead-in, on this essay for Erich and Jon to finish.
Love and Peace from the Life Giver.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
I want love, just the same, in a town where no one knows my name.
Those are lyrics from a song written by a girl who recently moved out east with her homeboy. She has been a good friend for a long time and I guess it's hit me recently that she will be missed. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Venting in the threat of effigy.
I went to Florida over New Years with my girl and another friend from camp. Our time there seemed to pass by with the utmost swiftness. I guess that's the grasp of reality - you can never truly escape it for too long...unless you do alot of drugs...and then you're just a corpse.
Saint Augustine was one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. Apparently, it's one of the oldest in North America. The streets and feel of the town is more European than North American; narrow, cobblestone streets with TONS of white Christmas lights schematically strewn across most every building, palm trees encased in tiny courtyards, sand and shell stone buildings and monuments, coffee shops on every corner....beautiful.
I wish that I'd had two weeks or so to spend there, but alas, the ails of working all the time and having no money can only allow for a much shorter vacation.
I had a thought that occurred to me once at SUMMERSAULT 2000 tour at the Rideau Carleton Racetrack as Our Lady Peace was playing their 'Superman' song to a raucous, youthful crowd of thousands awaiting the Smashing Pumpkins. That thought was this; Even though this place is crazy right now, and I mean crazy, kids on massive amounts of drugs, sexual innuendos galore, shameless material capitalism, insanely loud music with screaming vocalists...is God absent? Can God not be here as well?
to be continued...
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
(jonny...where the frig did you go man? are you alive? call me? erich, how was your christmas)
it's funny how life seems like it's on autopilot at times. I try to maintain order and control within the realm of my grasp, and yet crap keeps happening outside and even inside my little circle that is beyond me or my understanding. I watched Bruce Almighty last night, and though I had seen it once before, this time I noticed that so often we humans embody the character of Bruce; whiny about our circumstances, ignoring the good and focusing on the bad, ignoring all we have and focusing on what we don't have, thinking a good job will complete us as people, etc.
Autopilot; the craft moves above the treeline early on January mornings, undetectable by radar, but moving still. Forming an arc in the bleak, cold skyline that seems to indicate a Joy of some kind somewhat beyond my reach.
I'm feeling random. It's not even 9:00 am. I just walked to work and though I despised the first steps out the front door and into the cold, and past my enticing car, I ventured on and began feeling a little more rejeuvenated than usual. The crunch of thin ice and snow on the pavement seemed refreshing, and this is pretty weird considering the fact that I HATE winter. The walk was well worth it.
And so it goes, folks. Sometimes the pilot needs us to change our perspective so that we can see his beautiful airplane a little clearer.
and i'm out...
jon...call me ok?