Sunday, December 21, 2003

Christmas rush arrives like a hot breakfast filled with grease and heart-clogging ingredients. The material flavour with which this holiday is served is enough to make one physically ill. One word to describe the madness pervading; overkill. Everything is amplified, overdone, overdosed, overwhelming. Stores stock shelves miles high so as to tempt the eye. Love somehow = gross expenditure for gifts.

What is wrong?

I ask you.


'For unto you this day, in the city of David, is born unto you a saviour'.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Well it's another new day. Well, I always start with 'well'. What's the deal there?

I saw the new Lord of the Rings movie last night and I have to wonder why that movie evoked as much emotion in me as it did. From start to teeth-clenching finish, I was on the edge of my friggin seat. It was a dagnabbit rollercoaster ride that gripped and brutally assaulted my senses. I went through various stages; flinching, sweating, and general soreness afterwards. I don't know if I'm just over-the-top 'into' these movies (even though I have honestly never read the books) or that I'm too 'into' movies in general. At any rate, I highly recommend seeing it for anyone who wants to feel alive.

Re-group thoughts...

Folks, I want to apologize for mistreatment. Too many times in the past, we as human beings have been altogether too dishonest. So I would like to apologize, on behalf of the human race for all malcontent and untruth that has happened to everyone since the beginning of time. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry people often aren't who they say they are. I'm sorry that Christians can be arrogant and misleading. I'm sorry that Christians are human and not divine creatures who can love and forgive infinitely.

Why are we so territorial? Why are we ridiculously unfriendly at times to people who need a friend more than anything? Why are we so self-centered and self-gratifying when we should be looking 'outside the box'? Why do we SO OFTEN talk the talk when we should just shut up and walk the walk?


1. Look outside yourself and maybe question whether or not there is a God (Loving Father) who can mend human dischord and give us an 'abundant' life.

2. Check out the Bible (any version will do) and especially read through the parts about Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) and get an idea of what He was trying to do while being on earth and realize His desire (this very day, thousands of years later) to have a personal and real relationship with you.

3. Regard it as truth or untruth; if seen as untruth, read no further. If seen as truth, close your eyes and ask Jesus to come and be with you in your heart.

4. Start to see life differently (this is fairly automatic after step 3) and 'talk' to Jesus as much as possible, maybe asking Him to provide you with some friends and folks who know the bible well and who can help you understand it and yourself a little better.

5. Go free.

Crazy eh?

Upon completion of these 5 steps, I CAN PERSONALLY PROMISE YOU that your life will never be the same again. I'm not saying it will be perfect, carefree and filled with lilies of the field, but it will allow you to experience 'freedom'. Freedom to live life without overwhelming fear. Freedom to never be truly alone again, because well, once you ask Jesus to come in, He ain't never leavin' you. Freedom to see life with eyes wide open. Freedom to look for and care about things 'outside the box' of yourself.
Freedom to live eternally.


Now I know that last one sounds a little crazy (eternal life) or something that a Jehovah's witness would tell you on a thursday morning while invading your doorstep, but don't worry about fully comprehending that. I just threw it in to give a taste of what's to come.

All in good time.


Sunday, December 14, 2003

Hey y'all! I bet Jon is eating his freakin civrage toque because i'm writing
a blog but not from his computer! the baffling senses with which tingle

So anyways, I don't know if any of you have noticed, but there is stinkin snow all over this great province covering the grassy lands like an overweight rich lady's petticoat. Some people actually do suffer from seasonal depression. I think I may be borderline in this area. It's not that I think that snow is ugly or that I'm not grateful for a change in season - it's mainly the fact that i commute like a vagabond, all over the 401, and I hate the feeling of uneasiness that comes before a long, wintery car ride. That sense of 'oh dag' as the tires start to slip through slush and wintermire. I loathe the blasting, stinging flurries that scrape my warm face as I try hard to scrape off my windshield.

That's all that is in my head right now.

I work for a church, part time, here in Cobourg, Ontario. I have to say that I do enjoy it though at times it is really hard to see any benefit in what I do, not only here, but as a human being and Christian. This is just one of those reflective days in which one's self value and worth comes into question.

I showed a small clip from an old movie today in smac (sunday morning at church) to my students. In it, Robert De Niro's determined character travels many miles across rainforest and mountainous terrain carrying with him a burden...(I won't explain...see the movie and save me some words). At the end of the travel sequence, De niro and the priests he travels with encounter some violent natives who seize De Niro immediately and cut off his burden with a sword. (There's SO much more to it than that, really. See the movie 'The Mission').

It's so good to know (and this is personal and not universal, unfortunately) that I really don't need to carry around all the mental, emotional, psychological and anthropological crap that I do and that I have a loving Life Giver who carries it for me. Actually, He's already taken the weight of it off my back and yet I try so hard to put it on again - to have control of all that junk baggage and do with it what I may, carrying to wherever I need and want to knowing that I, Matt, got it there. How idiotic is that line of reasoning?

Ah...feels good to feel a few pounds lighter this very moment.

Jon Dog, congrats on the jib-job homie. Sell those fossils.
Erichte, thanks for the comment. You warmed my heart.

Folks, be sure to check out my homies
and soon to be coming smart thinking youthful Derek (Derelicte)

peace out

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Today is shaping up to be a strange one. I have worked a number of hours this past week that I was not scheduled for and so I am running on little sleep fuel....oh ya...and I got engaged.

I never more thought of permanence as when I first saw the actual ring, in tangible form, that I bought for Sarah. I mean really, up to that point in a relationship, everything else regarding marriage or commitment is just talk. But when you see those diamonds gleaming at you and when you ring your debit card through the cash (sweating in hopes that you won't hear the horrific 'insufficient funds' beep) and when you take that sucker home with you in your pocket, reality kicks in.

I think that the whole process of any given romantic relationship is (ironically) romanticized. The relationship garble we are spoonfed from television sitcoms like "Friends" and the like, pedestalizing love as pure 100% feeling, shiny teeth and throbbing pulses, is wacked. Ask any married couple in their forties with kids and skin 'not-so-shiny'; feeling is a very, VERY small percentage of the equation.

Perpendicularly, I thought that getting engaged would be a beauiful forever-frozen-in-time moment that will stay framed in my heart forever. Now don't get me wrong, it is and will be framed forever for sure, but after that amazing clifftop moment was over, and after sarah and myself trudged down the icy mountain carrying bailey's, candles and butt cold chinese food, I had a real sense of 'there is so much more to be done'. This is where the rubber hits the road.

And I guess that's it; love ain't so much about feelings as it is being committed. It's about being Indiana Jones and stepping out in faith, with one partner, and being solely devoted to that partner, no matter what perils arise. It's also more about a Loving Father who watches the steps of the partners every inch of the way and whose light never ceases to guide, warm and shine through the darkest of nights.

Now...I'm not gonna get into the whole explanation of my Loving Father because for some people, my words are flying headlong over them. For this I apologize. If you don't know the heck this "God" stuff is, that people like Jonny, Crazy Erich and myself blog about, feel free to ask one of us in a comment, but just be who you are. Don't judge me and I promise not to do the same to you. Everyone has different opinions and beliefs and this I must respect.

So yeah...tangent-filled and straining for sure.

Outy 5000

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Well the day is done and anew comes another. 1:02 a.m. by the desktop light of this slowly moving computer. I feel like alot has happened today. That's probably because alot has happened today. After waking Jon at 11:30, we hit up some big macs and caffeine intravenus for the big show up North. So much to discuss - where to start...

An overly sarcastic waitress at the China House who swears that every male named 'Matt' is a difficult person. Jonny was all up in her face, though (that's my boy. don't take that sh..). A small bottle of bailey's, some lemon chicken with sauce on the side, a beautiful cliff-top view on a slightly overcast December eve, a shivering girl who said yes and kissed me. What more can I ask for in life?

I get so pissed off at people who whine about all that they don't have. If you think about it, there will always be 'stuff' of some kind that you don't have in life, but that's not what this life is intended to be about; it's supposed to be about what we DO have, the enjoyment therein and the recognizing of the Source of all good things.

I'm tired and Conan is calling me to watch his funny goodness. Jon swore alot today but I did too. Tim Horton's is a great place for all ages, eh? Who's 'cheers'ing that? Eh? Eh? I stink like Swisher Sweets. I think Sarah and myself are going to add one more person to stand with each of us in our wedding posse. On her side, the illustrious Sara Vanderlip, schemer and liar extraordinaire. On my side, obviously, someone I've grown close to for a while now, Jonny Adams. F-in A.

God bless you all and to all a good nite.

Today is a day full of uncovered adventure and invisible steps. I try to maintain consistency in all aspects of life but I often fall short. I am 99% human, 1% divine. That one percent is pretty big when you think about it.

That's all for now.

Goin up north to ask the woman whom I love dearly to marry me. It will be a fun day. I love that sh...!

as my grandpa wrote; 'never hurry, never worry, and always take time to smell the flowers'. George Olson.

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