Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Sometimes the nerd just comes out in me and I can't control it -
like a screaming herd of bulls in the streets of an overcrowded
European city - bowling over anyone or thing in its path. Images of
old school gaming systems bring back warm and innocent childhood
memories. Sometimes it's fun to wish that you had a joystick for life,
not one of these new-fangled controllers with all the bells, whistles
and 25 buttons on them, but an old school joystick - that could throttle
you ahead , hit the jump or turbo buttons when needed, and hang
back to slow you down. Then you could kind of 'level' your way thru
life, passing different stages and collecting what is needed for the next
adventure. But then you could also find the cheat codes for life and it
wouldn't be so darned difficult to level and collect points. And, I
suppose, you could also live at least 5 or 6 lives, knowing that you
always had a few more shots. And, hey, if all else fails, there would
always the reset button to clean the slate of all the screw-ups and
start again.

But that just ain't how it is and our 'functionality' in this life is as
fragile as fragile gets. One wrong move could cost so much. But
levelling, I suppose, is all the more of an accomplishment, knowing that
we did not cheat and stuck with what we had to get from point A to
point B. And I suppose it's a good thing we ain't got that all-encompassing
'joystick-o-life' because we would probably find a way to screw up
the controls, yet again...or spill coke on it or something.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Will I make it through...Can I hold on to...you...

If I make it through this full 2 week pay period (which I
am only 38 mins away from accomplishing), it will be a
blasted miracle. But I guess miracles aren't blasted. They are very
un-blasted things...things that we need to retain hope that
the One who knows all and has it all under control is still
loving and guiding me. I think I've figured out that I'm a hardcore
hypochondriac as I always think there is something wrong with
me. A horrible way to be, really, because I fall into the trap
of not appreciating and just 'depreciating'. I just made that up
while I typed it but I give any and all free access to my punnery.

Spent a weekend in Ottawa last weekend and it was great to
get away on a solo adventure. Got to see some old homies, and
just sorta feel normal again (whatever normal is, really - a figment
of our own imaginations). I hope that you're all doin well and
that you all remember that 'everything is not lost' because
I know I sure need to remember that. Most of the time nothing
is lost - it's all just inside my head.

We press on. Pray that God would use Sarah and I to impact and
encounter and enrich people's lives for His good.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Back In The Saddle

So...it seems that the firewall has come down for the time
being and I am free to type and prophesy and speak truth
to all who will hear my nonsensical jargon-based philosophies.

The Past While:
Definitely a ride, of some sort, that I've been wanting to get off
of but am not able to. I am strapped in for every loop and turn
and reverse 360 that is on the track that lies ahead. Sarah's dad
has been talking to doctors, trying to get everything semi-figured
out, and my anxiety level has been lowering. It sneaks up every
now and again, to try to steal my zeal, but I try not to let it as
I've been discovering through some helpful online literature that
most anxiety is based on fear that does not actually have a source -
it is mostly imaginary and therefore does not need to consume the
enery and time that I lend it.

Most of all though, I've been trying to use my walks home for
positive thought time and talking to God about everything that is
going on. I try to listen back, but I think he speaks more when I'm
not listening and disrupts my path to explain things to me. I know
that's a weird attitude to have but it seems to work and I like to
let things that work just keep working despite of dumb old me.

Jon, been missin you. Hope BC is goin well. Send me your mailing
address you sloppy bitch.
Mike, may your work in TO be meaningful. You are a good man.
Dalton, and anyone else who is reading, give a call. It's good to hear
from folks in this time.

Blessings on your journeys.

Friday, March 03, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

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