Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Everybody Knows That I'm Insane

From a journey out east, a few years ago, to the Halifax harbour
with a few friends, I have acquired a sort of infatuation with these
QOTSA (Queens of the Stone Age) dudes. It's not that they have
anything to do with Halifax, or Canada really, but just in my experiential
association with them. It was there that this guy (who I hope I can
call my friend) named Charles introduced me to them in his studio.
Not...physically just...through his cd player.

And ya know, thinking about it, if it weren't for Halifax, I maybe
probably wouldn't even give that band a second thought today, but
because of my amazing and positive times there, I think well of

But truthfully, I think that even if I had never gone out east, I
would still at least respect them today because man, they rock the
ass out of my pants. Their speed, intensity, driving guitar riffs,
and note-holding/wavering rocks my innards to a level that only
a few bands can. I'll have to write a review of their newest LP
'Lullabies to Paralyze' sometime, but not today. I have been at work
since 9:30 am and its now 10:38 pm. I crave slumber.

But really, if you're even maybe considering checkin out QOTSA and
their tunes, you should go back one album to 'Songs For The Deaf'.
One of the greatest rock albums of all time. Seriously. I don't say that
often, so take heed. Master Grohl drums through its entirety and that,
in and of itself, is a selling feature. That is, in fact, the album that Charles
played and later burned for me in Halifax which made me like them so much.
Some swearing, some useless screaming, yes, but it is the music that
makes you feel alive.

On that note...Big gulps eh? Welp, see ya later.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Pensively Passing Time

As the colours of fall are sneaking up on us all, leading us into winter,
I shudder at the thought of salt, sleet and mile high snowbanks but
it is upon us, no doubts. I got to spend some time with an old
Cobourg buddy this morning who is starting out at Brock U, here in
St. Kits, and it was good. He used to be in one of my youth smallgroups
(imagine me, a youth pastor type) in the burg and it had been a while
since we caught up. I'm thankful he's around for he's one more person
in this town that I know and who does not always want to talk about
female anatomy, the 'rippers' and gettin hammered.

I'm thinkin about my friend Jon right now. If you all could pray for him,
it's been rough lately with the news of his grandpa passing on. Having
the same sort of ordeal happen to me last spring, I know the shock
and weight news like that can carry. SO pray for and think about him
if ya could.

Had another smallgroup meeting last night. It was fan-diddly-tastic.
Only 5 of us but the urge to go deeper and commit to each other and
god in community is there. It's cool to see it all unfolding. Well, another
week of work fires up today, 5 more days of days of late night walks
home, watching my breath and thinking about getting another job,
not seeing much of sarah, and just general october boring shyte.
But I'l get through it. Because come disease or shortfall, I know that
every moment I have here is gain. Each breath, each wake-up from sleeping,
each coffee, each sunset. He came to give us life and life to the full.


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Where The Fantasy Ends
The days blend together and the weather never changes. If none of you have ever
listened to John Reuben's 'Hindsight', look it up. He's an amazing lyricist.

From a young age, even barely on the cusp of puberty, we are
conditioned to see sex as the end-all be-all of this life. From when
we first learn to pleasure ourselves, and how all the tools in the shed
work, we are trained to see women, not as humans, but as physical
objects to be stored and recycled in our minds for private, personal
viewing. Being a guy, I understand this primal urge as something
which never really escapes you and something that will always be
there, and hey, that's alright. I know it, other guys know it, Jesus
and his homies obviously knew that too. That's life, and whether
you fight it or embrace it, that primality is here to stay.

But what baffles me is that every moment, at least from my own past
experience of personal pleasure, involves the aspect of fantasy.
Whether it's an image in my mind or just a remote visceral memory...
it is mainly that...an image. Not a person. But an image. With that
image, there is only good associations made. No imperfections,
no personality flaws, no weird freckles, only a body and a face.
An imaginary apparition wearing human skin that is pleasing to my
mind's eye.

The problem with the constant recurrence of this act is not only t
hat we are encouraged to re-create this image as much as we can,
by every sensory multimedia marketing tool that exists to glorify
the female body, but that it is not reality and therein the creation
of a dangerous fantasy world that we can continue to exist inside.
And problematic too is that sex, at least real sex, is never ever
what we build it up to be in our heads or imagine it as when we are
alone with an image.

I don't know much, and I'm always learning, but I think a beautiful
realization I'm coming to is that sex can really just be about two
people being together in intimacy. I believe, and would support
the idea, that sex should really only happen between the same
two people for life (boring, I know, and 'would' being the key word
there, obviously, it doesn't always happen) and it's not always
about horny, fast-paced 'porno', screaming, perverse sex. Sometimes
it's just two people being together - an act of emotional and physical
intimacy between two real human beings.

And sometimes sex isn't always the apex or key to that intimacy.
It CAN actually be found other ways. Sometimes it ISN'T the answer.
Imagine that. Sex NOT being the answer. Hard to comprehend.
But really, and I'm not trying to shatter anyone's world here, but sex
is really not that big of a deal. Sure, you can experiment much
within that arena, and as long as both partners are open to new ideas,
it can be a lot of fun. But honestly, once you've done it, it's like a
weight is lifted and the truth of what the character Metatron (voice
of God/ Alan Rickman) says in the movie 'Dogma' comes to the surface:
"Sex is pretty much a joke in heaven. From what I understand, it's
mostly a joke down here, too."

At some conservative Christian point in my life, someone once told me
sex is only 1 percent of any healthy relationship/marriage. I have
dismissed alot of hardcore conservative and legalistic teachings, but
the 1 percent factor is total truth. Because being with someone is about
intimacy, and that takes time, tears, dedication and alot more than
sticking your penis in a hole. And yet that's what people want because
from that young, conditioned age, we trick ourselves into believing that
sex will solve any problem and release any negative energy and enrich
your life. We trick ourselves into thinking that the fantasy ACTUALLY
exists, and that eventually, when we jump from rock to rock, we'll
eventually find someone who can provide us with great, earth-shattering
sex and no problems. But that, my friends, is the fantasy. And I'm tired of
living there.


Monday, October 10, 2005


Well, if you go to www.newmusiccanada.com, this is the
picture on my profile but it reflects nothing of the mental
capacity of the band, graven, nor its mission statement.
It's just a good old school weird iawah pic with me and
my old homie Matt Leyenaar. But it's part of me. And
the music is part of me too. It's all one big melange.

So we played in Montreal, me and a few rag-tag amazing
musician friends of mine, and it went down, and after a load
of driving, pumpkin seeds to keep me awake at the wheel
and very un-smart record reps (i.e. Island, Virgin, Capitol)
and all we really learned is...go indie. The big labels are full
of red-tape, marketing, and really only looking to sign big
names in the underground who already have a fan base,
album sales and their own musical drive.

So we drove 7 hrs, played 2 songs, and realized that underground
is the way to go. Funny how life works out.

From the perspective of the big labels, it is all about marketing,
image-creation, and according to one very 'dumb' rep "gettin
laid, partyin', gettin drunk and high, and if you don't want to
do that, you'll never be a rock star". Fuck being a rock star.
That's never what I wanted, mr. american idol simon cowell
worshipping mental midget. The music is the meat of the sandwich
and that is what I'll make. Music.

Overall, though, they liked our sound, our rhythm section and
the vocals. I had to play my electric direct-in which made it sound
like a kid's paper instrument with elastic bands for guitar strings.
But the acoustic song rocked and the rest was good despite all that.
So, I think Graven will be in a scene of 'its' own for a very long
time. Just knowing that there was interest to do it was a start
and that such a tight set could be brought together in one day
was very blessed.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.

peace out for now.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Feanca Chan

This has to be one of the fruitiest pictures I could ever put
on a blog but it's on this credit card validation website that I
use for work. I have to look into that freakin kid's face for hours
at a time while I validate people's credit card info. With you in
mind? What kind of fudge slogan is that? With WHO in mind?
A baby? AM I selling credit cards to infants?

Anyways, this past week, since my last entry, has been wacko.
Playing a show in montreal tomorrow night, drivin to c-burg
tonite with sarah, pickin up dalton, ray and josh on the way. Yiye.
I said Yiye. Be sure to check in for updates on how the show went
Then TG weekend comes and unfortunately brother blog can't
make it down but ma, pa and maybe some cousins will be in
St. Kits to partake of turkey, sarah's world-shattering mashed
taters, pumpkin pie and a lot of good shit. God bless us for
all we have and take for granted every second.

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