Thursday, June 16, 2005

Rough Nights
JUST to let everyone know, these past few weeks have been hard for me for some reason. everything from panic attacks in the middle of the night where im dreaming of having a heart attack to just worrying a whole hell of a lot about nothing. i've been prayin more and spewing my thoughts at God so that's good, overall, but my situation is weird. I'll try to explain:
It's like I get caught in a flurry of worry (no rhyme intended there) all of a sudden, and can't shake loose of it. I have so many good things, an amazing out-of-this-world girl with me, a cheap apartment, a job i can handle and that brings home bacon, but yet I get this nagging worry that 'something is gonna go wrong' or that 'im going to die'. i don't know. just being honest.

Watching 'The Life Aquatic' calms me down, though, for some reason. I love the character of Steve Zissou portrayed by Bill Murray. He is a man of misplaced passion and fire most of the time but yet in some instances, he's right ontarget. He is a man who pushes himself and everyone around him and places alot of stress on those he loves by doing so, and yet, for one fleeting instant, his companions and family obtain a miniscule glimpse of understanding as to why he is that way, and they're okay with that. That's awesome. That's acceptance.
Isn't that what we all want?

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