Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I don't really know where I am today. My brain and heart
are going in two different directions. I found out my grandma
died yesterday. She was one of the most amazing people I
have ever known. I think it's mostly because she lived near
to 90 years of a life uncompromised in her actions
towards her family, friends and strangers. She gave 120
percent of the time and never thought otherwise. Her life
can only be seen as a mirror reflection of the way Jesus lived
when He walked the earth. Sure, she had her faults, I'm not
blind. But if people think that a relationship with the One
True God is a joke or a myth, then my grandma was the
biggest fool of all because she dedicated her every moment
of time to that end. But alas, I knew her and I know she was
not a fool. You could see it in her smile, her welcoming heart
and her love of serving and giving to others.
And so last night, in the late hours after my midnight shift,
I enjoyed a pint of guinness in her remembrance with a
colleague and friend from work. It just made me think and
realize how every finite moment that we are given on this
earth is a blessing, rather than a curse. Every sunrise,
every coffee, every waking stretch, every struggle, every
breath. It is all gain. Goin back to Ottawa soon, I think.

Thanks Grandma for all you showed me and gave me. I'm
gonna miss you alot and I know alot of other people will too.
But I'm glad you didn't suffer and that you didn't have to spend
too much time away from the home on Linden Terrace that you
loved so much. I know I'll see you again. I know I'm
gonna miss you more than I do right now, and probably be sad
about you being gone, but it hasn't fully hit me yet. Thank you
for the time I was 19 and you lent me 60 bucks so I could fly to
Kapuskasing and see a friend. I never told anyone about that and
I know you didn't either. But it was a moment we had, you and
me, late one night, in your kitchen, together. Thanks for who
you were. I'm glad Sarah and I got to see you in late february
when we were home. It's weird, because I had this note on my
hand all day yesterday reminding me to send you a postcard
that I had meant to send to you for over a year from when I
was last in Florida. I'm sorry I never sent it. But when I told
Adam about it, he just said he wasn't sure how much postage was
to heaven but that you'd probably get it. I'm sorry I wasn't
a better grandson, but I know you loved me as much all the
others anyways, because that's who you were. I love you
and I'll miss ya much. Bye. Matt

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