Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Howdly doodly raccy-oonies.
The blue brilliant sky of the few days past has turned to a lacklustre
watercolor gray with drizzly notions foreboding. The CV joint boot on
my car squeaks and rickets as I make right turns. I think perhaps that
at any given moment, it will loose itself and grind listlessly in the air,
breaking clean off the axle, and dying in a ditch somewhere along the 401,
leaving me only to smile and then crash like a bastard as my whole wheel breaks off too.

crash like a bastard eh? boy, you have quite the way with words.

You know, you read the psalms and they're really all about praising God, both in this life and the next. Psalms are a book of the bible written by David, a man with a solid heart and spirit of victory, but who wrote the entire book from a cave somewhere while in hiding. His every word and line depicts struggle intermingled with praise and thanksgiving. Often one psalm that starts with something (paraphrased) like 'Where the f... are you God?' ends with something like 'God...there is no one like You. You always guide and protect me, always.' It's an amazing book because I think you can learn more about God's character, and the personal relationship we can have with him, in Psalms than any other book of the good book.

Aren't we all so much like David? Full of potential with a super-capacity to love and admonish and live victoriously but with a tendency to dwell in caves and hide out from life. The Psalms depict the human dilemma so well. We are bundles of love, emotion, angst, worry, depression, dreams, apathy, courage, greed, care and hate from one minute to the next. I often can start out in prayer by thanking God and then only find out that I'm complaining about something thirty seconds later. I am David.

Let's rewind- some people don't even really believe that you can have a
relationship with God that is personal and real. This is often due to the
fucked status of the church in North America. We have dropped the ball
in so many ways. But the key is not self-blame or directed anger. The key is pressing on, still journeying and searching for God in the believable sectors of the tangible and real world, and seeing how He'll usually reply with chariots of fire and strength from the invisible world. But you have to desire that. You have to want to HONESTLY know God. He's not gonna come pounding on every uninterested person's door and say 'Here I am. Come follow me' like a Jehovah's witness. That's annoying. God's not an annoyer, He's a gentleman. And He can wait till You're ready.

'it's times like these you learn to live again'.

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