There Is No TimeTime must be a figment of our humanoid imaginations - it must be.
There is no other explanation for the surreal lengthy passing of
seconds and the hyperspeed passing of hours and days.
Whenever we want time to fly by, it drags horribly. When we
want it to slow down and careen about, it bolts off into the
horizon - uncatchable.
This summer, all I want to do is soak things in - shows, outside
beverages with friends, time spent with Sarah, family bbq's,
softball games, etc. I find, though, that this mindset speeds things
along, and here we are - faced with the onset of July. JULY!
Anyways, show tonight at the Rainbow.
Once again - there is no time.
City Summer
It's been a few years since I've spent an entire summer within the
realm of a full-blown city. So far, it has been an easy transition
as I've had many activities that have focused my passion and
creative lens. Pubs are great in the summer and always ready
to pour you an icy lager (as long as have the shillings to shell
out!). The heat hasn't been horrible yet and living in a basement
pad keeps sleeping conditions fairly cool.
There is a part of me, though, that longs for open meadows, lakes,
and telephone wires leading deep into the Canadian shield. I
experienced a bit of that last week when I visited my friend
Scott at his cottage. I am looking forward to an upcoming
weekend of country/cottage action as Graven gets ready to take
the Rideau Lakes district as they roll into Duck's Roadhouse in
Westport. There should be a good crew of folks coming and
it should be a night to remember.
Change is always good - and thank God for the fact that we
live in a fluid state of flux.
(Oh - and if you're at all around Ottawa, come out tomorrow
night to see Graven take the legendary stage at The Rainbow
in the heart of the Market. We'll be opening for a Toronto
band called Jane's Party and the evening's festivities will
kick off around 9 pm.)
Gandalf and Sirloin BurgersToday was a good day - not an amazing day or the best 24 hour
span of my disenchanted lifetime - but it was just simply and
magnanimously good. It started with a late sleep and a theatre
flick with me and Sarah. Although it was not the best movie
I'd ever seen, it was enjoyable and somewhat humourous.
After the film, we grabbed some sirloin and cheese-embedded
burgers and had a little bbq with some friends - HP, L-dog,
O-dog, Jon Blooms, me, Sare, Chrissy, Mitchell and JpS were
all there in attendance. The meat flowed and sizzled. Cold
frothies were passed around on the back deck of my parents'
pad. We chatted - laughed - and lived. Sarah and I have been
taking care of a friend's dog all weekend. Max (the silly
spaniel/terrier) ran around on the back deck and entertained
all in attendance. We discussed softball, politics and religion.
Afterwards, we cleaned up and came back to James Street
all pumped up to watch LOTR 1 (The Fellowship) with O, L
and M. We got 45 mins in and all of us were dozing off from
meat overload.
It is now 10:50 pm and I am ready to hit the sack.
A new week begins - shows, shrapnel and sherman tanks
of love.
Somewhere On Meech Lake - A MemoirMy dad played hockey with you every saturday night.
I once went to your house on a junior high youth retreat.
My friend James McLean came too.
We all played hockey on the lake outside of your house.
Your house was amazing.
A beautiful log cabin driven deep into the brush.
Smells of cedar.
Your daughter showed us some of her claymation films.
We drank hot apple cider with matted toque hair.
I only ever remember you as smiling.
You communed with Nature and pissed off the fundies.
You made great strides towards helping Native Canadians.
You were friends with Bruce Cockburn.
You lived in a canoe for large periods of time.
I heard a rumour that you died from ingesting too much
campfire smoke.
If so - compared to the ailing list of other ugly evils
people can die from, I'd choose that way any day.
I imagine that you're canoeing into a sunset -
somewhere on meech lake.
Show Me A Little PatienceI had friends all through grade school and junior high who LOVED
(and I mean LOVED) GNR. Tapes were passed through classrooms
like pot leaves at a refinery. To be totally and one hundred percent
honest, though, I never NEVER got into GNR.
I believed that there was something 'wrong' with the way that Axl
and crew played their songs. I thought it was disparate - fake and
disconnected from reality. Everything from the swooning croon of
Axl's whiny, tortured voice told me that I was not cut out to be a
fan of this band.
The song 'Patience', however, was something of an anomaly. It
made me see through some of the detritus of what I found this
band to be. The chunky acoustic strum coupled with the melodic
vocals helped me to see a partial light.
Patience is hard.
Not enoughThese days, it seems like no matter how much I sleep, I can always
use more. I feel tired after a 6 hour sleep or a 10 hour slumber.
It feels like the same amount.
I was thinking recently about a conversation between Beck and
Johnny Cash that took place a few years back when Johnny decided
to cover one of Beck's tunes. Cash told Beck 'the state of one's mind
can be very closely linked to the cleanliness of one's bedroom'.
My bedroom has been a mess for months.
Communion
Last night, after a grueling softball practice in the city (if grueling
means 'laid back and fun'), I busted out to the country. Driving
through the summer, country night roads of Lanark County
and the Ottawa valley is an experience that has always given
me a bit of a natural high. There is something about the
darkness of county roads at nightfall that lets me feel serene -
normal.
I drove through the SF (Smith's Falls to you non-lingo types)
at about 11 pm. Highway 15 swerved and curved through the
sleepy, seemingly empty town. The traffic lights worked but
it seemed like an uninhabited village. I could almost hear
the click of the lights as they changed from red to green. I
bolstered through the SF and pressed on to meet my friend
Scott at his cottage for a late night rendezvous.
I made it to his cottage at about 11:20 and stepped out of
my grass-embanked vehicle to be met with one of the fullest,
starriest skies I've seen in eons. A few yards up from the
car, there was a fire roaring and a familiar face there to
meet me. Scott informed me that due to a long day, he had
already 'passed out' three times while sitting by the fire.
The hot burn of freshly cut elm cracked and shot sparks
about. I sat in a chair, with a frosty beverage in my hand,
beside Scott and we chatted. Mostly, though, we both just
stared into the fire and reclined and stared into the sky.
Scott passed out a few more times...but I was just happy
to be there. I can vividly remember staring into the hot
coals...thinking of nearly nothing...and just taking in the
moment.
Before we packed it in at about 2 am, I stepped back from
the fire and could see a massive star (most likely a planet)
glimmering off the surface of the lake. A coyote howled
somewhere miles across the bay. I took a deep breath
and sucked in the fiery, summery air.
It's now 8:44 am and I left the cottage at 6 this morning
to get my car back for my mom. I had to get this written.
There is a deep communion that happens with me during
certain seasons in the right outdoor setting. Like Joel
Plaskett said 'I am not one to be wowed by nature, but
when I am...it's big time'.
Thank You for always showing up.
External Spiritual Hard DriveI had the chance to meet with my friend Jon Harris today. I respect
Jon in many ways. We definitely have differing views but I can say,
that for the most part, our hearts are aligned in the same mission,
purpose and passion.
We spent some good time talking about the silly language of
'Christianese' and how it is often spoken by a personality type who
thinks that in speaking the jabber-ish way they do, they are actually
closer to the big G for doing so - kind of an oxymoron, there. The
little I know about God would indicate that He is all about truth
and clarity - and so I wonder, then, how speaking in a constant
forum of untruth, babble and uninterpretable jargon really
brings one 'closer' to this same God who doesn't want anything
to do with that.
Very odd.
It's like the attachment of an external spiritual hard drive - it
stores files and does the job of your main hard disk but it is not
really a part of the main computer. It's attached - but often void
and vacant and totally separate from the main computer. It's
forced - and really just a back-up/failsafe system. When people
speak that way, it's like they are making direct links from the
external to the internal. It's an excuse to not clean your main
hard drive and get it working and functioning properly.
Clean out your hard drive.
Perform the system checks that are needed.
Partition stuff.
Scan for viruses...and then re-scan.
Digital EyesMy eyes are tired, scratchy and red. That's what I get for switching from
glasses to contacts. I feel like I could sleep in an ice bath for a month.
My body feels damp everywhere. Damp and tired. I barely have the
eye-strength to focus on this screen for much longer.
I got together tonight with some old camp friends and talked about
times gone by. Where do they go - those 'times gone by'? Dangit all.
It was good to sort out some truth of what happened from past
experiences and past summer horse manure.
Luca is happy to have company in the apartment again. I feel like I
should write something more revolutionary and incendiary...but I'm
dead.
I'm outy 5000.
Chattin' With Dave NorrisI had some time tonight to chat with a friend - Mister Dave.
Dave is a knowledgeable man and although he is younger than
me in years, he is not short on wisdom or stature in the music
world. He is a passionate and driven man and I respect him
greatly.
Sarah is away for a few days and I'm trying to eat up my time
with important projects and things that keep my engine hummin'.
I know that as time progresses, I may not get many more of these
bachelor jaunts...so I'm trying to relish my 'alone' time.
Ottawa in the summer is a sight to behold.
Sad News
Just found out that Sarah's grandpa has lung cancer.
This is hard news to take.
It sucks when people get sick.
But we all will get some form of sickness, someday.
If sickness is beyond our control, how can we fight it?
When it's my turn, I hope I have grace.
365 Days At My Own PaceSo I've missed a few days of automatic posts. Sue me. I'll make this 365
days deadline if it kills me.
I think it's important to do things at your own pace.
If blogging is personal and a part of me, I need to slow it down at times.
CelebrateOff to a cottage in Quebec with Sarah to celebrate our 5th anniversary.
Celebrate those whom you love and those who love you.
Tired.
You must have a Horseshoe Stuck Up Yer...It's almost here.
Tomorrow is the day.
Graven is the band.
Rocking the t dot for all time.
The Grass Is Always GreenerIt sure is.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about old friends. I'm not talking
about the superficial high-school party friends (although some of
those might turn out to be substantial if you make it past high
school) - I'm talking about those people you've shared pretty deep
moments with and now - you have no sweet clue where they
are.
This happened most recently when I had the chance to visit
some old-school homies in Toronto. It was quite a cast of
characters but it felt really natural and normal - like we all
just sort of eased back into it.
At times, I find a random memory of someone just hits me like
a ton of bricks. I'll be standing in line in the Glebe, waiting for
my coffee - and BAM! I am tossed down memory lane like
mental tumbleweed in the spaghetti western of my sub-
conscious.
Do we all make choices to leave people behind? Or do those
who left know some sort of secret or ultimate-good type
thing about what they are doing? Or are they just all high
somewhere - smoking in a field in BC?
Whatever the answer is...I don't want to know it.
Let that grass stay green.
Let the mystery remain fresh.
This Sh*t's About To Get RealI am about to enter a crazy week. Last week was wild enough but
this coming week will be a tornado-esque whirlwind of shyzen.
It starts today with Sarah's parents being in town for her grad.
I will be in Toronto on Wednesday, playing a show in Toronto,
and then going to a cottage for a few days or R & R with Sarah
to celebrate our 5th anniversary. There will be a lot of driving
and gnashing of teeth.
But hopefully, it will all come out in the wash.
One Band To Rule Them All'I saw your band...in the early days'
Let's face facts, here. No popular hard rock/metal/thunderously
creative band has rocked as much arse as the Pumpkins have in
the past decade. They pioneered down a trail that was somewhat
already forged (bringing out sounds of their influences 'My
Bloody Valentine') but they have done their share of machete
wielding/hacking along the way through the overgrown thicket
of the industry.
Billy Corgan became a bit of a diva - I'll give you that - but you
also have to wrestle the fact that as Joel Plaskett says 'when you
become famous, you basically sorta become fu*ked'. I think fame
did a number on old Billy and he was someone who started down
that road with a lot of baggage beforehand.
Their last album was nothing ultra-spectacular - but it was a
step out of the deep, dark woods to say 'hello'.
They are back...and apparently making some new stuff soon.
Of course, they won't be the same without James Iha and D'arcy,
but Jimmy and Billy will bring it.
I don't know if I've ever written this publicly, but if I were to die
soon, I would want the song 'Muzzle' played on an amazing sound
system at my service.
Not In The T DotNot in Toronto anymore. That city is dead to me, now.
Just kidding.
Actually, I'll be back on wednesday. Yesterday was a short trip/adventure/
mental vacation. I had the chance to zip into town (4 hours each way) and
visit some old Camp friends (and when I say old, I mean they are my age!)
and chill. It felt like a staff day off from 1995. Pretty surreal. Good friends,
though, are ones that you don't need much effort to pick up from where you
last left off. One friend in particular I hadn't seen since she was about 20 -
She is now 32. All in all, the trip was a total success (minus the fact that I
feel like ass today from zero sleep in a different bed than my own).
Toronto is like a distant friend to me. If I could describe the kind of
friendship Toronto and I have, it would be that of me spotting Toronto
at a party of mutual friends and Toronto recognizing me, and each of
us giving the wink and the gun to each other from across the crowded
room - and then going about our business.
There's not much below the exterior - but there is no negativity. I
mostly just feel indifferent towards the actual city, itself. I feel like it
has some cool spots but due to its sprawling nature, I could really
take it or leave it. But that's just me. It's a pretty great city.
Wednesday June 17th - The Horseshoe - 8 pm.
Come and see us play.
Matty
In The T DotCame here today.
I am here now.
WTF.
Wang ChungOh my.
Wake the kids.
This is an extravaganza you won't want to miss.
InternetdomI'm not sure what I think about this 365 days of blog BULLSHYAT!
What it does do is ensure I'm online. Every day. Every DANG day.
Without ceasing. No sundays off, folks. I'm on every day. I fill
server computers full of binary code on a constant basis.
I think the internet (although it has many good things) is really
bad due to the open window it creates. If we look into the philosophies
surrounding vacuous voids, it's true, then, that the internet is one
giant vacuum - one giant, gaping hole that leads into a cycle of endlessly
filling something that can never be filled.
The rain today reminds me that everything is seasonal. Although
I may go through a season of despising the internet and being in
state of static anger, I think all things happen for a reason.
I will endure this season if I am, indeed, allowed to do so.
Another Glebe Coffee Experience
This morning, I went to my usual spot to get coffee.
That's right, haters - I go to Starbucks (but before
you retort with the usual 'Starbucks sucks - go
to Bridgehead' type-banter, you should know your
facts. I'm just saying - I've studied the facts - so
be prepared for a long and heated debate) and
the guy behind the counter was new. He and his
colleagues were having some kind of discussion
about Britney Spears or some crap of that nature
(BTW - did you know you can buy a Britney Spears
licked/used Starbucks cup on Ebay? Crazy) and I
came right up to the counter. He looked at me but
said nothing. No 'hi' or 'What can I get you' or
anything of that sort. With the lack of any pleasantry,
I proceeded to order my usual Grande Estima. He
punched in the order and then spoke the amount
I owed. I thought 'Maybe he's shy - or maybe it's
his first day - whatever' and I let it go. I paid the
money, said 'Thanks a lot!' and went to the cream
and sugar station. Before I got there, though, there
was a lady who came in behind me to order (with a
stroller - go FIGURE!) and upon seeing her, the guy
at the counter bellows out 'GOOD MOOORNING!'
in a very flamboyant manner. At this point, the lady
chatted it up with the counter guy, picking up her
baby and stalling the line.
I stared at the scene for a second...and then left. 'How
odd!', I thought. The counter guy can't say one word
to greet me but becomes a stage actor for the next
lady in line and basically sings her a ballad. It's weird
how we can quickly become so favouritist - so elite
in our actions without even realizing it.
Just thinkin'.
Funny How...I find it humourous how folks comment when you ask them to,
but then when you don't ask, it's almost an assumption that
you don't need comments.
Well understand this - I ALWAYS want comments.
Otherwise, it's like me talking to myself. I can do that in
the shower. I love the forum where ideas can be exchanged
and new horizons of understanding can be reached through
the help of others. Sometimes, I'm slow to catch on (and I
tend to think I know it all), but deep down, I love the
comments.
A friend of mine stopped blogging a while back because he
felt like he was blogging for an audience. Well...in a way, you
are...because anyone and everyone can read your blog. There
is no security. This is not an SSL form.
It's naive to think you're not being watched.
Big brother is still out there...he just takes a lot of different
shapes, these days.
Matt Murphy Is Coming To My Show At The Horseshoe!So long story short, here - Matt Murphy of The Flashing Lights
and The Super Friendz is coming to my show at the Horseshoe.
At least, he told me he is - crazy. I don't know what to think
about this.
My brain spins. My heart races.
This guy is an inspiration to me.
Wow. I sent him a message on facebook about how my song
'I Speak Your Sadness' was about his influence on my music.
He listened to it - and liked it - and wrote me back and said
'this was the PUSH he needed'.
Wow.
Just came back from the wedding of my good friend, Steve.
What a day.
Validate Me
]
Comments are my validation.
Validate me.
On To The Next One
I love this picture.
I love googling different images and seeing what comes up.
Photography is pretty amazing, when you actually step back and
think about it (outside of the digital fad it's become).
Time continually moves. We have no way of stopping it...EXCEPT
via the means of a picture. We can freeze a moment in time
forever and when looking back at that moment, we almost re-visit
and re-inhabit that exact space again.
This brings up questions of the space-time continuum but we
won't go there.
For a moment in time, last night was a colourful photograph.
I've been kinda living there (within the realm of my own head)
all day.
But now - that photo has been snapped. Time to find a new
moment.
Oddly Relaxed
Interestingly enough, I don't feel much stress in regards to tonight.
I know it is a big event but I don't know what the outcome will be...
and I kinda like that. It's like a giant tidal wave that hasn't broken
from the ocean yet. It's still only a ripple.
To be honest, I'm looking forward to getting through it. I'm looking
forward to being on the other side and evaluating, criticizing and
viewing the next horizon line. Joel Plaskett described his version of
success (in a recent interview I did
here) as being restless. He's
never really happy with where he's at because he is on to the next
portal - the next obstacle.
I like the sounds of that.
See you tonight, Ottawa friends.
Big Day TomorrowTomorrow is the big day.
Though the crowd will look nothing like the above pic, it will be
an event for the ages.
If you don't already know, please come out to Zaphod's tomorrow
for 8 pm. My band Graven will be taking the stage around 10
after local friends Dave Norris & Eric Vieweg perform some
sonically beautiful sets.
This is the launch of the tour.
This is the launch of many things.
See ya then.
Automatic GodHi God.
I wish you could be automatic. Sometimes I feel like Frogger.
The little, pathetic frog - just trying to get across traffic.
But then I remember that you created frogs and that they
are not little or pathetic in your eyes.
Sometimes I get really frustrated by the attitudes of others
who say they want your good done but who really only serve
the ends of themselves. I get tired of backtalk. I'm worn down.
I want others who inhabit your lands to know that it is
special - it is a special thing.
I wish that everyone in the world could see my darkest
secrets like you do.
If they did, though - I'd probably be locked up.
