Friday, November 19, 2004

Just let it slide y'all, I don't give a
DAMN if your backbone quivers.

Somedays it's just really good to quote Maestro Fresh Wes.
Well it's off the lullaby world of work again for me today,
back to the cube farm that supplies me with monotonous
labour and a steady paycheque. It's not really all that bad though.
I'm really kind of curious as to who has been quoting Bottle
Rocket (as spoken by Luke Wilson's character 'Anthony' in one
of the greatest movies ever made) in my comments! Unmask
thyself, silent rogue, and receive thy prize. Look it up folks - it's a Wes
Anderson gem featuring the Wilson brothers (All 3 of them, Owen,
Luke and their older bro who plays small supporting roles in all
of their movies) before they started doing dorky crap like Old
School and Starsky and Hutch. Now, hear me out - I'm not
saying I despise those movies, (maybe Old School a little, except
for the part where Will Ferrell streaks through the quad and asks
Snoop Dogg to come with him and 'bring his green hat') they are
just more hollywood drivel than substance. Wes Anderson, however,
remains fairly unknown but in the critical world, a movie-making
genius, capable of such wizardry that it actually pulls the poop right
out of your bum-bum. Actually, in reality, I kinda think Old School
is one of the most dumbass movies I've ever viewed. It's really not
even that funny - I felt kinda let down at the end. Considering it
has such an amazing cast, it really was kind of a waste of talent
considering one of the funniest men alive (the bald dude from the
Daily Show) is one of the sorority members and has NO lines in
the whole movie. Waste. Vince Vaughan is also remarkable (if you
haven't seen Made with Jonny Favreau and Vince, or Swingers,
you should definitely check those films out) and seems to be just a
swear-puppet in this movie. His funniest line in the whole movie
was wasted in the previews when he's watching his wife while standing
in Will Ferrell's wedding party about his wife's judging stare and
showing off her newborn baby as an asset. So enough about movies
for now, but I sure could go on.

It's too bad that Hollywood is going the way of the Dope with a
capital D for Donkey Dick. In my later years at the U of Guelph,
I started noticing that mainstream movies were becoming more and
more about teen stars rather than plot, substance or character-building
and it is a down right dirty ass crack shame. But there is hope, folks.
Oh yes. There is hope. You just have to look a little deeper. Here are
some suggestions you might want to look into the next time you
want something that is actually good from the video store:

WELCOME TO COLLINWOOD: (Sam Rockwell, William H Macy,
George Clooney, one of the funniest caper movies ever made If you
get easily irritated, don't watch this movie. Pure Hijinx.)

ALONG CAME POLLY: (I know, I know, Jennifer Aniston is a huge
sellout but Ben Stiller and his buddy Phillip Seymour Hoffman steal
the Show. I was gutting myself all through this movie.)

MAGNOLIA: (Extremely powerful but unbelievably well-cast with
Tom Cruise, PH Hoffman again, William Macy again, Julianne Moore
in a movie that will shake your roots.)

I'll stop there. Start with those and report back to me with a 50-60
word review of each of them. You will graded on substance.

Don't forget to watch for the NEW Wes Anderson movie (maker of
Bottle Rocket, The Royal Tenenbaums who loves the Wilson brothers)
coming out close to Christmas. You can see it here.

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