Monday, September 27, 2004

University campuses are a total blast from the past for me.
I even remember being newly living in Guelph, after having
received my piece of cardstock paper that supposedly
validates my life, and sitting in the computer lab watching
the sitcom that is university life.

You see it's all about the system. Whether we use the matter
that is lodged between our ears or not, we are walking paradoxes
like my brother Adam always talks about. We are trained
individuals. We are conformist revolutionaries. People don't
really use all that much critical thinking to gain a university
degree. What we do use to gain a life-validating piece of card
stock paper is money, alot of money, about half a decade,
a forest of trees in paper, natural resources (i.e. food, oxygen,
hydro, etc.) and another forest in toilet paper. If you're
prepared to use the aforementioned 5 things, you can get
yourself a degree at any University, most likely in North
America. You really don't need to think much.

Seems kinda odd, that 'not thinking' part. You'd think that
you'd...need to think...but you don't. If you figure out the system,
however, you can do well. So what is this system based on,
you ask? One thing really; whatever the professor/instructor
desires. Thinking is actually pretty much a gargantuan waste
of time. Thinking will actually slow down the process and
often stand between you and your potential degree. Figure
out the system, young padawan , and you will do just fine.

Keys to the System:

1. Usually a lot of 'office visits' to the prof/instructor to
let them know that you are 'interested' in the material.

2. Begging for extensions on almost every assignment
thrown your way (because really, you can't be expected
to hand things in on time with 5 courses! can you?)

3. If it's an Arts degree, generally a mammoth load of
bullshit on all major papers, filling space and boring the
prof so he/she will not be inclined to actually read your
work and assign you a general grade (usually a 74%).

4. If it's a Science degree, find the library and research
old tests and exams for your specific course and
assign these to memory. Tests are usually repeated
every few years.

5. Whatever the degree, do the following and you will not

SO remember, if you're in university, pumped for the
keggers and the socialite stunted utopia of being around
shiny, happy (rich) people, don't waste your time on
activities like research, buying textbooks or general
studying. It's all mostly common sense.

That was long. I guess being on the Brock campus has
made me a cranky old puss'n'boots. Cheers.


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