Sunday, April 25, 2004

I read Erich's blog a little while back ( and he seems like a die-hard
thinker and poser of questions. I like Erich's writing. I wish more people could think like him and not
cheer for the Leafs.

I wish that life didn't move as quickly as it did. So much materializes around us as we eat, laugh, shit,
breathe, and make headway in this crazy place we call 'home'. I wish that all past screw-ups with
relationships, friends and family members could be undone but they can't. I wish that I could live
inside an age of innocence, no fear of money, no fear of growing old or getting hurt...but I can't.
Guelph has always been kind of a safe place for me and that's where I am right now. Sarah has
gone south to Phoenix for a week and so with not much work on my plate, I must make do and
make some time to reflect, meditate and re-charge my batteries away from the hole of cobourg.
I miss Sarah...but I think she is probably having fun with her friends near the Grand canyon
somewhere so I must be where I am.

Today in Guelph I arrived, hung out with some old-time friends, and remembered what it feels like
to be myself. I often don't feel like myself in Cobourg, but then again, maybe my conception of myself
is totally fun and good times and happy-joy-joy shit 24/7. Not to say I don't feel like myself in Cobourg
but Sarah being still in her parents house maintains and creates enough 'parent-daughter-future
husband' expectations as it is. I love being with Sarah and I think this past month has been tough
on both of us, mostly because we are impatient and eager to have our own place that we can call
home and come back to and know that no parents, housekeepers or church folk will be waiting at
when we arrive there.

This week is really all about me and so far it is good. I don't really care that much about hockey
anymore - nowhere near as much as I did when I was in highschool. I mostly joined a hockey pool
this year to help create community where I am, in cobourg. So Go Flames Go, Go Canadiens Go and
Go Philly Go. I know, I know, they're american but they're playin the ass-leafs, so gimme a break
damnit - plus I have Zhamnov and Leclair in my pool.

Beyond the church, beyond the lurch,
outside the safety of home
this is where faith grows.

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