Monday, February 17, 2014

Nostalgia and Nuts

There's something otherworldly about sunsets. It's almost as if the drape of this chaotic world is pulled away from the windows of our tiny existence and for a technicolour moment in time, we are shown a sliver of something beautiful - something beyond ourselves.

I'm feeling pretty basic today. Basic days can be good days. The artist's mind can be a messy closet at times and it's a splendid thing to get a few simple moments on a freshly sanded deck - overlooking the water of the day.

As I am part of a medical guinea pig study in Suburban Toronto, I am reminded that I am blessed. I have much to be thankful for and that good things truly do come to those who wait - and to those who go out into this angry sea of a world and take chances.

The waves ripple and I sip my evening coffee to the smooth sounds of Count Basie being accompanied by a world class harpist. A crooner lets a far away melody move her lips to the snare brushes and slight horns.

I'm not sure where anxiety comes from but lately, although I've experienced it here and there, I've been able to remove myself from it and to look at the sheer stupidity of it. It's almost like a rollercoaster is happening within me but there is no theme park to be found. And when you stop - and feel your feet on the pavement - you take a breath and realize that everything is going to work out.

But I'm realizing more and more that I am lucky to live anxious moments. For most of my life, I've been able to avoid stress as much as possible and to just be in the moment. I can only barely begin to imagine, then, what people must feel like when they experience stress all the time.

It's helpful to think of those who have gone before you - because to them - no matter how bright their stars shone, they are now burnt out. They do not have the luxury of being anxious.

More and more, in the defunct digital paradise that surrounds me, I crave connection. I want to look at someone in their eyes and to see pieces of their soul. And whether those pieces are askew or tightly woven together, I want to be involved in that moment.

Here's to you and here's to Toronto coffee shops on a Monday night, y'all.

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