You thought I forgot, didn't you? You doubted. You faltered in your
footing. You strayed off course. You lost sight of the goal. You got
stuck in the woods.
Well, I'm still here - brooding over everything in this darkly lit
basement apartment trying to make sense of things. The mission
was once clear. Now, the only clear thing is the blue light of the
DVD player screen on the television. The futon hasn't been put
away for ages. The cat wheezes beside me. Someday, she won't
wheeze any longer. Struggle. It's an asteroid-filled backpack that
is bursting at the seams. You can't accessorize with it. It sticks
out. Every one sees it.
You think you know what's best? I'm calling your bluff. The
only reason why you're afraid to say 'I don't know what's best' is
because you're afraid of looking stupid. Well, get used to it.
Everybody needs to look stupid in order to grow. It's all part
of being vulnerable and opening up. You proposed edicts and
wanted to be an invisible hand while I shoveled coal in the
dungeon with your workers. I made friends with them. I talked
you up. You stayed up on high - untouchable. You talked about
getting involved and meeting the workers...but once again,
you pulled your famous disappearing act on a billion dollar
piece of machinery.
You have no idea what is best or what could even begin to
be defined as what 'best' could mean. You are paper. You leave
a trail but it's usually easy to cover. I'm tired of waiting
around for you to change. I'm changing. You're still the same.
All you want is to be a grown-up child.
In truth - Everything is always leaving.
