Sunday, November 23, 2014

Turn Up The Gain

"If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” -Charles Bukowski, Factotum

I've entered into one the busiest and most time-rammed seasons of my life. Never before, in my thirty some odd years, have I seen a timeframe where I've pushed myself physically and mentally to complete tasks. Up until Christmas, I will have little time to call my own. I will be lugging lumber. And timber. And eons of Christmas trees for customers. Driving tractors. Operating saws. Making piles. Pulling splinters. I will be cursing the cold. I will be straining to find the littlest fragment of warmth. 

November has slowed. It seems like just yesterday, it was September. And now, this month is drawing out slower than the metallic pull of a long samurai sword from a warrior's sheath.

But I will do my best to trudge through it and find rest and peace where I can.

One of the strangest feel-parts about this season has also been due to one of my favourite and closest cohorts departing for the other side of the country. We have only been friends for a year, but in that charmed time, we have gone through ups and downs, we have laughed, we have been annoyed at each other, played multiple shows together, worked alongside each other, and we have built a strong bond. I miss her immensely, but in the same breath, I'm excited for her adventures of self-exploration, community building and organic gardening that she has found. She brings a lot of light to wherever she goes, and I know she will do that out west.

When you put yourself out there, there is always risk - but there is also reward.

To really learn much in this life, I have found that as treacherous as it is, you have to put the self aside. Though we can pursue our selfish sides, and desire the world to revolve around us, it never does. It spins on and we are tiny flecks in a massive eggshell mosaic. For every friend that has blessed me, from Kemptville to Halifax and BC and Nicaragua and beyond, and who I have hopefully blessed back, in turn, I am thankful for every moment that we have had together. You have made me who I am, and you have made me better. You know who you are.

It's easy to find the negative parts, because the negative always surfaces first when we look inward. But if we wait, and we really fight to step outside of our narcissistic spheres, the positive comes - maybe not the way we want it to, but it always does.

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