Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Hard At It

Idle hands are the devil's playthings.

It's been a wild and wooly few months. The summer days have flown by like doves, heading for the last rays of dusk. Music festivals, outdoor sports and oodles of writing have filled my plate.

It's interesting how sometimes in life, the thing you want more than anything at the current moment is exactly what you can't have. But when you give up on it, and let that desire die out with a real pain and visceral anguish, that thing re-arrives in a different form.

For so long, I wanted work. I struggled to make ends meet and I sat in front of a glowing monitor - tweaking and re-tweaking my resume and sending applications to the ends of the earth to find a writing job. I wanted work but work did not want me.

Other areas of my life proved difficult, too, and didn't add any lightness to the already heavy-gage load on my back.

But when that time passed and a different season came, I found myself at a standstill and I opened my arms to the heavens and basically gave up. I realized that even without work, in the end, I would be alright.

On a solo road trip to Halifax and PEI, I pondered a lot of things. I pondered my own existence, my capacity for love, my artistic desires and my life ideals. I pounded the rough northern Quebec and smooth Atlantic pavement with the rubber of my CRV tires and saw new light.

When I came back from my time in the oceanic wilderness, the work met me on my Ottawa doorstep. I've been doing some freelance arts & culture writing for a few publications and although it may not last, it's helping me to get from point A to point B. I have a schedule. I have a routine. I have articles to craft and interesting people to interview.

I truly can't complain.

I'm trying to look forward to things. Making beer with an old, great, best friend. Trips to a Big Rideau area cottage to see an old friend. Family dinners. Dumb movie nights with fellow laughers. Softball and ultimate with new faces and in wide open spaces.

Sometimes, you need to grapple with the things you fear most in order to move ahead. The rest is gravy.

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