I had a good chat with an old friend this morning. It seemed to
be the right focus that was needed to angle the lens of my
day. Lately, I've been having a lot of anxiety. Stress. Worry.
General concern. I wake up an hour after falling asleep and
I feel like I need to be doing something. Money is tight.
Adventures are proving harder and harder to muster up and
they usually always require monetary funds of some sort.
I feel my muscles tighten even when I don't want them to.
I check my bank account nervously.
It's a rough time.
But I guess the thing is (especially right now as Kathryn Calder
is singing to me in the background), it could always be worse
and though some think that expression is somewhat
masochistic, I think masochism is willfully beating yourself
up. Sometimes, even a change of focus is great for the psyche.
I'm not saying I have the answers - I'm just saying talking to
this friend helped.
I spend a lot of time alone these days. Here in Port Hope. On
the campus of this little private school. Watching the weather
through windows. Wondering about the future. Contemplating
the past. Watching shows online (lately, The Wire is sucking
me down a deep, dark rabbit hole). Tired. Wishing I had
money for a fine pitcher of ale. Wishing I had more money
saved and less debt. Wanting.
Wanting.
I've never had a come-down like this fall so far.
