No one gives you a handbook on life. No one gives you the right advice
for every situation. Most of the time, we forge our own way in the hopes
that we are going 'the right way' - whatever that is. Is there a mysterious
force guiding all things - or is that a pacification of real thought and
discovery? I tend to believe the former but sometimes, what to do gets
very foggy.
Things are changing. Sands are shifting. Tides are coming in. Friends
who I thought would be lifelong battle partners are slowly subsiding,
switching sides or joining forces with people other than me. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being fed bullshit when I know the truth. I'm tired of people
who can't grow up and get honest with their emotional and spiritual
state. I'm tired of waiting for people to get back to me.
This life is a slow heartbreak - but sometimes, in those downer
moments, there is a gleam through the crack of the dismal prison of
depression. I know that the gleam represents something not in this
life - but beyond. I long for the day when that gleam overtakes all and
when the clouds of doom are dashed.
Forever.
