Functionality
Sometimes the nerd just comes out in me and I can't control it - like a screaming herd of bulls in the streets of an overcrowded European city - bowling over anyone or thing in its path. Images of old school gaming systems bring back warm and innocent childhood memories. Sometimes it's fun to wish that you had a joystick for life, not one of these new-fangled controllers with all the bells, whistles and 25 buttons on them, but an old school joystick - that could throttle you ahead , hit the jump or turbo buttons when needed, and hang back to slow you down. Then you could kind of 'level' your way thru life, passing different stages and collecting what is needed for the next adventure. But then you could also find the cheat codes for life and it wouldn't be so darned difficult to level and collect points. And, I suppose, you could also live at least 5 or 6 lives, knowing that you always had a few more shots. And, hey, if all else fails, there would always the reset button to clean the slate of all the screw-ups and start again.
But that just ain't how it is and our 'functionality' in this life is as fragile as fragile gets. One wrong move could cost so much. But levelling, I suppose, is all the more of an accomplishment, knowing that we did not cheat and stuck with what we had to get from point A to point B. And I suppose it's a good thing we ain't got that all-encompassing 'joystick-o-life' because we would probably find a way to screw up the controls, yet again...or spill coke on it or something.
Will I make it through...Can I hold on to...you...
If I make it through this full 2 week pay period (which Iam only 38 mins away from accomplishing), it will be ablasted miracle. But I guess miracles aren't blasted. They are veryun-blasted things...things that we need to retain hope thatthe One who knows all and has it all under control is stillloving and guiding me. I think I've figured out that I'm a hardcorehypochondriac as I always think there is something wrong withme. A horrible way to be, really, because I fall into the trapof not appreciating and just 'depreciating'. I just made that upwhile I typed it but I give any and all free access to my punnery.Spent a weekend in Ottawa last weekend and it was great toget away on a solo adventure. Got to see some old homies, andjust sorta feel normal again (whatever normal is, really - a figmentof our own imaginations). I hope that you're all doin well andthat you all remember that 'everything is not lost' becauseI know I sure need to remember that. Most of the time nothingis lost - it's all just inside my head. We press on. Pray that God would use Sarah and I to impact andencounter and enrich people's lives for His good.
Back In The Saddle
So...it seems that the firewall has come down for the timebeing and I am free to type and prophesy and speak truthto all who will hear my nonsensical jargon-based philosophies.The Past While:Definitely a ride, of some sort, that I've been wanting to get offof but am not able to. I am strapped in for every loop and turnand reverse 360 that is on the track that lies ahead. Sarah's dadhas been talking to doctors, trying to get everything semi-figuredout, and my anxiety level has been lowering. It sneaks up everynow and again, to try to steal my zeal, but I try not to let it asI've been discovering through some helpful online literature thatmost anxiety is based on fear that does not actually have a source -it is mostly imaginary and therefore does not need to consume theenery and time that I lend it. Most of all though, I've been trying to use my walks home forpositive thought time and talking to God about everything that isgoing on. I try to listen back, but I think he speaks more when I'mnot listening and disrupts my path to explain things to me. I knowthat's a weird attitude to have but it seems to work and I like tolet things that work just keep working despite of dumb old me.Jon, been missin you. Hope BC is goin well. Send me your mailingaddress you sloppy bitch.Mike, may your work in TO be meaningful. You are a good man.Dalton, and anyone else who is reading, give a call. It's good to hearfrom folks in this time.Blessings on your journeys.
