Some days, you just have to write because the fire is alive in your pen.
Like Lester Bangs in Almost Famous says 'I used to stay up all night - on
a little speed, mesculin...and some cough syrup...and just write pages
and pages...a dribble...about the faces of Coltrane.' A great line. It
embodies the art and the passion that lies behind writing.
What do I want to achieve by writing? What dark faces do I want to uncover
by rattling the bones of the past and waking the potential of the future?
I have worked on and off on a fiction work for over five years but I can
really only write on that story when I feel truly inspired. Otherwise, it
feels like it is being forced. Writing, though, can be equated to dollars
and sense and sometimes that means handing in something (to a boss)
you're not completely comfortable with in order to meet a deadline.
It's a weird monster. Writing can help us to tackle the closeted creature that
wrestles our subconscious, forming bridges to eiphany. It can also be
a means of a distortion or inadequate context that snowballs into an inspiral
world of hatred and fear.
I have to get back into the habit of typing and writing while I'm at work
instead of just wishing the shift away into pieces. I guess, in some ways, this
place has made me realize the creative side of me is still very alive and active
but that it needs feeding with constant water, light and soil. A plant cannot
live on mere wishes for its existence - it needs the work to be done by its
caretaker.
The weather brings a sense of renewal and relief. It's as if the sun is
bringing out the sense of strength in all of us. Sometimes i hear the song
'jesusland' by ben folds in my mind and i wonder if Jesus really would hang
his head in shame at a lot of the shit that goes on among his people and their
constant misinterpretation of his love. Call me crazy, but I really don't
think he would be picketing against the gay right. I also don't think he would
be so caught up in legalism and labelling. He came to liberate - not to
segregate. Too much of the christian bubble gets lost or scared within the
idea of focusing on the heart of humanity. Isn't that what we are supposed
to do? Aren't we supposed to be more concerned with the status of
someone's heart as opposed to their outward actions? I think so many
things (and perhaps NOT necessarily gay-ness) are a sign of massive
discontent and utter dissatisfaction of self - alcohol abuse, drug abuse,
physical abuse, rape, acts of terror, etc. I think there is a deeper need
within the hearts of all people that is being overlooked. That need is what
i want to be concerned with - not that i have any specific
straight-and-narrow answer but I want to offer myself to my neighbours
in order to help them take steps towards 'living life to the full'.
I live for the moments where people come together for a cause of a
greater good. I think it is important that each individual be self-sustainable
and intellectually charged but that individual is nothing without the deep
roots of a real and vibrant community. Individuals can make differences
but with the aid of a vitalized communal core, greater differences can
be made. A ripple effect can be seen in the living out of ideals within
people that truly care for and want the best for each other. This is what
interests me - This is what drives me on.
