Saturday, October 30, 2004

Hi everybody. I really do want to first apologize for writing nothing
for so long but this new job has sucked it out of me, so to speak.
What's up 'so to speak'? Who gives a crap if I 'so to' speak it?
I'm such a donkey dork.
As I say, working takes it out of you but fear not because the inspiration
is coming back and I'm going to be starting a new blog entitled
'The Chronicles Of None'which will be powering up on a blog
site near you. I need to start thinking outside my own universe
a little bit. It will be mostly short serial writing about the character
None who, though unknown, should be an interesting. None spends
a lot of time in the rat race, office life, cubicle farms, etc. It's been
spurred on my new job. Hopefully it will be a healthy outlet. Right
now it's 1 day before Halloween and I'm looking forward to getting
my aluminum easton out of the closet, hiding in the bushes and beating
down some young children.
God bless you all.

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Friday, October 22, 2004


Well, I suppose it's time for something new. I've had the same quadra looking
view on my blog for ages, so hey, let's shake the tree a little. Today is the
first day of training for my new job. Crazy. I guess I didn't really know how
long it would be before I worked again but I hoped it wouldn't be too long.
A man can only be in the company of his own wits for so long before he goes
'cuckoo for cocoa puffs' so to speak. I am now an employee of NuComm
International
, a corporate megasystem that handles major companies in the
U.S. (i.e. Comcast, SunLife, etc.) who pimp out their call centres to Canada
so as to save 'mucho daneiro'. There's a million reasons why someone
shouldn't work for them, but screw that noise. All you really need in life
is money for two things; 1. beer 2. condoms.
But honestly, this new ocurrence may not be 'me' in the long run but it's good
for now and it's what I need. I know there are starving children, and much less
fortunate people than I out there, but I can't help but think that all of this is
because there is God who loves us and looks out for us and only ever really
gives us what we can handle. Can you dig that?
Check out my links to my dinks and homies. I'm gonna call them 'dink links'.
Ha.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The Weebles, They Wobble But…


…Feel too overwhelmed to even make coffee.

I feel as if I’m on the cusp of a full blown intellectual and imaginative breakdown.
I think my age plays a part in this ominous reality because the truth is I’m old and getting older and there’s no road back. The ‘laminar flow’ that Gord speaks of in the Heksenketel video is draining out of me. The ebb only seems to bring forth motion sickness and this life some days can become a university class for which I was only ever interested in obtaining a passing grade. Coffee tastes the same and Sarah, yes she’s beautiful and ever-encouraging, but the pulse of shocking financial crudity throttles my every moment of rest. I think ‘shouldn’t I be doing more?’ or ‘what do people think of me?’ or ‘why don’t I have a job? poor me.’
But I guess all of us most go through this kind of insecure morale lowering at some point. On any given day, tens of thousands are dying in Rwanda, so I should look at what I have as opposed to what I don’t, right? Why am I generally viewed and perceived as a slacker by so many? Why can’t I be remembered for the good things I’ve done, and the lives God has touched through me, as opposed to the bad? Why can’t people who have hurt me and offended me just fess up and plain say they were wrong? I sound my barbaric yawp of frustration in one word. Fuck.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not depression, just sheer honesty, which is hard to come out with because it often looks like an infinite sadness when it is really just the shit that people are afraid to talk about. God is still working, I know, and though my even keel with the world has shifted in the last few years, and I feel a little more rooted in the soil and people and taxes that surround me, I’m still conscious of the spirit world and the understanding that through all things, God is real and working in me, leading me to a horizon of understanding that I cannot see yet.
But it’s hard to keep that understanding, that joy and that passion when I see so many people around dragging Jesus name into the dirt and falsifying His ‘going to the gas chamber for us 3 million times’ with a circle jerk of impotent, shiny happy ‘yay God’-sters. If Jesus were walking around this sad nation today, I think the first place He’d go would be the churches to grab a choke hold of 85% of the pastors and congregations out there and say ‘What the FUCK are you doing? Did you understand any fragment of what I said?’ But I don’t want to put any more words in his mouth because I’m a dumb ass human, just the same. I’m flawed, prideful, egotistical, arrogant and petty all in one breath.
Must keep trying, though, for it is the ‘try’ that makes us learn. I can’t give up. Throwing in the towel would make me just one more punk-ass sucker who burnt out as opposed to fading away. Here’s the rub; we all fade away. Like it or not, my life and your life in the grand scheme of all that’s happened so far amount to two things, basically – jack and shit, and jack left town. We think we’re all that but really…we ain’t. For ‘God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud’ rings true in the heart of every sinner, saint and bridge troll. The sooner we realize how meaningless our panderings and meanderings are, the better we’ll be for just shutting the fuck up and doing it. Press on. Persevere. Continue. Progress. Push harder. Grind my teeth. Give it Ninety. Put some back into it. Strain. Clench. Extend. Keep on.

…Better go put the coffee on. Big day ahead.



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The Weebles, They Wobble But…


…Feel too overwhelmed to even make coffee.

I feel as if I’m on the cusp of a full blown intellectual and imaginative breakdown.
I think my age plays a part in this ominous reality because the truth is I’m old and getting older and there’s no road back. The ‘laminar flow’ that Gord speaks of in the Heksenketel video is draining out of me. The ebb only seems to bring forth motion sickness and this life some days can become a university class for which I was only ever interested in obtaining a passing grade. Coffee tastes the same and Sarah, yes she’s beautiful and ever-encouraging, but the pulse of shocking financial crudity throttles my every moment of rest. I think ‘shouldn’t I be doing more?’ or ‘what do people think of me?’ or ‘why don’t I have a job? poor me.’
But I guess all of us most go through this kind of insecure morale lowering at some point. On any given day, tens of thousands are dying in Rwanda, so I should look at what I have as opposed to what I don’t, right? Why am I generally viewed and perceived as a slacker by so many? Why can’t I be remembered for the good things I’ve done, and the lives God has touched through me, as opposed to the bad? Why can’t people who have hurt me and offended me just fess up and plain say they were wrong? I sound my barbaric yawp of frustration in one word. Fuck.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not depression, just sheer honesty, which is hard to come out with because it often looks like an infinite sadness when it is really just the shit that people are afraid to talk about. God is still working, I know, and though my even keel with the world has shifted in the last few years, and I feel a little more rooted in the soil and people and taxes that surround me, I’m still conscious of the spirit world and the understanding that through all things, God is real and working in me, leading me to a horizon of understanding that I cannot see yet.
But it’s hard to keep that understanding, that joy and that passion when I see so many people around dragging Jesus name into the dirt and falsifying His ‘going to the gas chamber for us 3 million times’ with a circle jerk of impotent, shiny happy ‘yay God’-sters. If Jesus were walking around this sad nation today, I think the first place He’d go would be the churches to grab a choke hold of 85% of the pastors and congregations out there and say ‘What the FUCK are you doing? Did you understand any fragment of what I said?’ But I don’t want to put any more words in his mouth because I’m a dumb ass human, just the same. I’m flawed, prideful, egotistical, arrogant and petty all in one breath.
Must keep trying, though, for it is the ‘try’ that makes us learn. I can’t give up. Throwing in the towel would make me just one more punk-ass sucker who burnt out as opposed to fading away. Here’s the rub; we all fade away. Like it or not, my life and your life in the grand scheme of all that’s happened so far amount to two things, basically – jack and shit, and jack left town. We think we’re all that but really…we ain’t. For ‘God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud’ rings true in the heart of every sinner, saint and bridge troll. The sooner we realize how meaningless our panderings and meanderings are, the better we’ll be for just shutting the fuck up and doing it. Press on. Persevere. Continue. Progress. Push harder. Grind my teeth. Give it Ninety. Put some back into it. Strain. Clench. Extend. Keep on.

…Better go put the coffee on. Big day ahead.



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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

one for the razzle dazzle dizzle, my nizzle.
just so all of you can feel praised and encouraged.
some shorts i've selected from my friend authors.

a thought of fornication:
Apparently, the f-word is an acronym for Fornication Under Consent of King. Back in the day of kingship, to have a mistress, you must have had the go-ahead from the king. Yes, this is the birth of the f-word
-d. holloway
www.misterholloway.blogspot.com

a light rain:
It was once taught to me from the pulpit that when little things push you over the edge, you need to rest. That being said, I'm going to spend a little time in bed knotting a toque. And tomorrow, my life will ring of the complacency of another soul stuck in an office.
-e. koroschetz
www.one-to-revolt.blogspot.com

the ongoing battle:
It seems we are at war. Erich is hurting, Matty is a little frustrated, I'm missing home and all those I love. It seems that there is no stopping the sword which Satan wields. So we are at war. And I love it. Today I just love the thought of God calling us...."I'm already fighting, are you going to fight with me?" And so I try to protect my friends with my prayers, hoping they are enough to get them through this battle, so we can fight again soon.
-j. adams
www.lostinthefolds.blogspot.com

the ongoing battle part deux (the unsaid thoughts):
Headaches, fatigue, cramps, aching, insomnia, nausea, anxiety and a sporadic numb tingling in my neck and arms become more than psycho-somatic symptoms of a starving soul but rather personified archetypal vision-characters that remain the only imaginative constant in the macabre absurdity called human life. Snow will soon fall like ashes onto the heads of the walking dead hearts and minds that fill the buses, offices and houses of north america.
-a. mckechnie
www.humanparadox.blogspot.com

a korean tale:
Language has also been interesting as I've found that as I struggle to figure out Korean, that language portion of my brain has been stimulated to the point where I understand other languages such as French, Spanish, and even Chinese almost 10 fold!
t. stelmach
www.anotherrosewater.blogspot.com

check it.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

GET RIGHT SOMETIME: BEYOND THE SHIRE

I’m going to be getting it right, save for some time.
I seem to waver in my strength to weakness ratio as a human. One day I’ll awake energized, prepped and ready to face the new challenges that resound like orchestral motion. The next day, I’m tired even from 10+ hours of sleep and just want to stay in bed on a cold, useless October day. The shifting of the weather fronts attracts more of my attention than personal contact or even my desire to look for jobs. I guess that’s because I somehow see God’s hand more in the weather than in most other things. My friend Steve was telling me that October is always a hard time for him mentally because it’s a ‘perspective’ time of year where you think about all the regrets and the ‘wishiwouldhaves’. Hang in there, Stever. You’ve got what it takes.

Sometimes I think about the old days of sitting on the dock at camp with my friends who aren’t my friends anymore (well, some of them) due to the changing of the social tide that is life. The iridescent algae glow in the wake of something new. Bridges burned at one point look to be now more like smoking stones as I move further away from a specific kind of living. Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends from camp because camp is a place where you make some of the best friends you’ll ever have. I still have buckets of friends from camp – 5 out of 8 groomsmen (including me) were at some point ‘camp’ folk. Living in the shire, smoking pipes and laughing gaily.

But now, these days, life looks a lot more like the mines of Moriah or the Dimwalt road. Scary and unknown – untread. I come undone. The things we leave behind will often make us stronger and grow us in God or in (whatever you choose to believe) yourself and show us all is not so hopeless just because we’re getting older. But the friends I have been with in this life, the Jons of Aurora who I can drink Lakeport honey piss with and be myself completely with in honesty and truth, the Adams who I haven’t always been so close to but am now and appreciate them more in diversity each moment for the ways in which they challenge me and show real love and knowledge, the Steves who will always be there no matter what shit goes down, the Todds who I love dearly for their ability to make me laugh and spout wisdom, the Jeffs who care for me deeply and are standing by in all grace waiting to be a helper, and the Justins (plural) who swear, drink, live with my messiness (mental and physical) but underneath it all understand what it's all about…those are the goods.

And if we can walk the line, knowing that there is some weird spiritual shit goin above our heads while being planted firmly in the temporal soil and rock that is beneath us, maybe we can get it right.

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

2 posts in one day? Incredulous.
I know but the real reason I'm back on the m-i-c
is for the unveiling of my graven website which
is a gigantic piece of free-web tird, I know, and
anyone with an eye for design will piss blood in
sheer pant soiling laughter.
It's free, it's fun...and it really sucks.

Graven.
Now on that there intra-net thingy.
http://www.geocities.com/gravenrecords/coverstory.html
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I just lost a huge music blog.
Sheeyat. It was a good one. Fackin bullchet.
Anyways, here's a quote I tied in nicely that will seem weak now.
Still a good quote from a smart friend:
'So we went to the park by the river and talked for a bit. While we were there we saw some teenagers who appeared to be staff from Hope Valley Christian Day Camp. Boy were they weird!!! They were an otherwise normal group of teenagers sitting in a perfect circle (with no leader telling them they had to...) talking about bible verses and singing Christian songs. I think it may be possible that Ned Flanders runs that camp...(two of the teens looked like grown up versions of Rod and Tod). What is it that has turned Christianity from a revolutionary movement into impotent and weird groups like our group at the park? They're teenagers, for crying out loud! They should be leaning on each other, and whispering and talking about Simpson's and Dave Matthews and body parts, or maybe talking about God; but not in a circle, they should more closely resemble a swarm. And the boys should be sacking each other. It appears that even at camp, Christians can suck spirit out of our youth.'
-T. Stelmach, '04

Be sure to check out the man if you can.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Hallelujah.

This september has been deceivingly sunny and warm here
in Ontario (sorry for you BC types, jon and todd) but the flipside
is that colder, harsher and painstakingly bitter cold months
are on the way. Even today, this 4th of october, the air is much
crisper and the sun still shines though masked by a colder
dome of air in the atmosphere. I digress.

Today I bought a wackload of groceries for Sarah and I and
it is ridiculous just how much pressure is on us from every
side to be 'consumers' in North America. There is so much
absolute shit we do not need.

Yes.

DO YOU HEAR ME? I'm tandering on meandering.
CSI Miami comes on tonight and I can't wait to see what
is up the sleeve of Horatio 'I won't look at the character
I'm talking to so I seem extra tuff' Hornblower David
Caruso.

Jobs are still on my frontal lobe, unfortunately. If I had
a quoff of money in my account, here's how I'd spend it:

1. Family, without a doubt, whatever debts need
clearing and whatever is needed to be helped. (this
includes Sarah).

2. Friends, whatever needs, missions, debts, etc.

3. Guitars.

4. Maybe some churches. ');">


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